Writing Challenge - Serious Sandwich

Challenge: Serious Sandwich

Write something ultra comedic in style that dips in the middle with something very personal and serious (the meat) and then ends again with comedic style.  The end can be bittersweet, or maybe truly hilarious now knowing what we know.

MISTLETOE

RICCO enters.  He’s wearing some form of headgear with mistletoe prominently attached to it.  Could be a baseball cap.  Could be a more elaborate holiday hat.  Could be just a refashioned wire hanger contraption to comfortably be worn on one’s head.

SHARON enters.

They look at one another a moment.

Then she focuses on the headgear.

                          SHARON

That seems a little desperate.

                          RICCO

It’s a joke.

                          SHARON

A joke.

                          RICCO

A holiday-related party joke.

                          SHARON

So you’re not expecting people to kiss you?

                          RICCO

I’m not expecting it, no.  If I should be kissed, however, I will not be surprised.

SHARON continues to assess RICCO in their shared awkward silence and lights subtly shift to another area of the part as –

LILY enters from one side of the stage.

CHERYL enters from the other.

They see one another.

They both produce mistletoe and wave it enticingly over their own heads.

                          CHERYL

Hey, Lily.

                          LILY

Hey, Cheryl.

They slowly approach one another.

They each move their mistletoe above the other person’s head.

They kiss.

They enjoy it for a bit.

CHERYL and LILY continue to enjoy kissing as lights subtly shift emphasis back to SHARON and RICCO.

                          SHARON

Oh, so this is an easy out.

                          RICCO

What?

                          SHARON

For any people who might be inclined to kiss you.  They can just blame it on the mistletoe.

                          RICCO

Oh.  Yeah.  I guess.

                          SHARON

You had something else in mind?

                          RICCO

More of an ice-breaker kind of thing.

                          SHARON

So, you’re talking to someone, you’re getting along –

                          RICCO

Maybe they’re wondering, “Should I kiss the guy?”

                          SHARON

You’re wondering “Should I kiss the woman?”

                          RICCO

We can reference the mistletoe.  And it’s the holidays.  And it’s a party.

                          SHARON

So it’s an easy out.

                          RICCO

I was thinking of it more as bringing people together.

`                         SHARON

As a joke.

                          RICCO

Good natured holiday fun.

                          SHARON

With saliva.

                          RICCO

You’re framing it as a way to keep your distance.

                          SHARON

Can you blame me?

                          RICCO

No.

Awkward silence descends again on SHARON and RICCO, while LILY and CHERYL continue enjoying another’s company under their own mistletoe, as –

Lights subtly shift to where GARY enters, pursued by DAN, waving mistletoe over his head.

                          GARY

Stop waving that thing in my direction, Dan.

                          DAN

It’s Christmas, Gary.

                          GARY

You are a horrible wingman.

                          DAN

What?

                          GARY

The worst.

                          DAN

What kind of hetero sidekick would I be if I didn’t take a break from my girlfriend for a little bit to make sure you were enjoying yourself at the party?

                          GARY

While I appreciate the sentiment, you’ve been hovering for a while now.  It’s having the unintended side effect of making other people think we’re a couple.

                          DAN

So give us a kiss.

                          GARY

And confirm for the few possible other available gay men at this party that I’m not on the market?  See?  This is why you’re a horrible wingman.

                          DAN

Oh.  Sorry.

Awkward silence descends on GARY and DAN, while LILY and CHERYL continue enjoying one another’s company under the mistletoe, and lights subtly shift the emphasis back to RICCO and SHARON.

                          SHARON

Don’t get me wrong.  I’m glad you’re here.  It’s nice that Cheryl invited you.

                          RICCO

She warned you, right?

                          SHARON

Of course.

                          RICCO

I asked her to warn you.

                          SHARON

She did.  Not necessary, but polite of you both.

A slightly less awkward silence descends on SHARON and RICCO, as GARY and DAN continue trying to think through their wingman problem, and emphasis subtly shifts the light back to LILY and CHERYL. 

Their kissing has run its course for now.

They part, sigh.

                          LILY

I miss college.

                          CHERYL

Me, too.

                          LILY

I love holiday parties.

                          CHERYL

Me, too.

                          LILY

You drunk?

                          CHERYL

Stone cold sober, lady.

                          LILY

Good to hear.

                          CHERYL

Darling, if I wasn’t into you, there wouldn’t be enough eggnog in the continental United States to make that kind of magic happen.

Lights subtly shift emphasis back to GARY and DAN.

The mistletoe is starting to make things awkward again.

                          GARY

Go wave that thing over Lily’s head for a while.

                          DAN

I just don’t want you to think you’re alone.  The holidays suck when you’re alone.

                          GARY

I’m not alone.  I’m quite literally surrounded by straight people.  I’m feeling very included and festive.  No worries.

                          DAN

You’ll find the guy.  He’s out there.

                          GARY

Well, doesn’t look like I’m gonna find him this year.

                          DAN

Brand new year’s right around the corner.

                          GARY

Whee!

Lights subtly shift the emphasis back to RICCO and SHARON, as he tries to buoy the conversation again.

                          RICCO

Some friends just refuse to be in the custody of one side or the other in a breakup.

                          SHARON

Cheryl’s stubborn that way.

                          RICCO

“Just because you guys couldn’t make it work – “

                          SHARON and RICCO (cont’d)

“ – doesn’t mean I should have to lose a friend, too.”

                          RICCO (cont’d)

You’re looking good.

                          SHARON

Thanks.  You, too.

                          RICCO

Life treating you well?

                          SHARON

It is.

                          RICCO

Anyone special?

                          SHARON

Not tonight.

                          RICCO

I’m kind of taking a break, too.

                          SHARON

Probably wise.

                          RICCO

‘Til you figure out what mistake you made, it’s hard to keep yourself from repeating it.

                          SHARON

This is true.

Awkward silence descends again as lights subtly shift the emphasis back to LILY and CHERYL.

                          LILY

See you New Year’s Eve?

                          CHERYL

Absolutely.

                          LILY

I should get back to my date.

                          CHERYL

Me, too.

LILY and CHERYL head back off in the directions from which they appeared, calling out for their dates in the crowd.

                          LILY

Dan?

                          CHERYL

Roger?

They exit as lights subtly shift emphasis back to DAN and GARY.

DAN wiggles the mistletoe.

                          GARY (cont’d)

Honestly.  You’re a child.

GARY pecks DAN on the lips swiftly.

                          GARY (cont’d)

Happy?  Mission accomplished?

                          DAN

You call that a holiday kiss?

GARY plants one on DAN.

It takes a moment or two.

Then he turns to go.  Over his shoulder as he leaves -

                          GARY

Say hi to Lily for me.

                          DAN

Yeah.

DAN looks like he’s been hit by a truck.

And it’s a truck he’s not entirely sure he didn’t enjoy.

He looks at the mistletoe for answers.

They are not forthcoming.

A bewildered DAN touches his lips as light subtly shifts emphasis one last time back to RICCO and SHARON.

A charged moment of silence between them.

                          RICCO

Merry Christmas, Sharon.

SHARON leans in and kisses RICCO on the cheek.

                          SHARON

Merry Christmas, Ricco.

RICCO looks at SHARON, unsure.

                          SHARON (cont’d)

Mistletoe.

She leaves.

He watches her go.

RICCO and DAN stand alone in different parts of the party with their respective mistletoe.

Lights slowly fade.

Writing Challenge - All Women

Challenge: Erase maleness from your mind- whatever that means... if it means anything!  All of your characters are women. They only talk about other females or gender neutral things. Electrical outlets only require two female ends to work- and somehow they work better. This is not a "gender neutral" play. This is a play comprised of women.

AUTUMN ROSES

I’ve been noodling over a nearly all-female riff on Chekhov’s Uncle Vanya, called Autumn Roses, and this was a good excuse to play around.  In order to Bechdel it up, it shouldn’t be a scene where they’re talking about the late husband or the new trophy husband so – instead we have Olive (Sonya) talking to her crush the doctor, Esther (Astrov) about both her, and her aunt Constance (Vanya)

                          OLIVE

Doctor, you shouldn’t drink so much.

                          ESTHER

Esther.

                          OLIVE

Esther, you shouldn’t drink so much.

                          ESTHER

You shouldn’t be judgmental of other people’s habits.  You don’t know the reasons behind them.

                          OLIVE

Why do you drink?

                          ESTHER

Why shouldn’t I drink?  It’s a sociable thing to do.

                          OLIVE

You drink to excess.

                          ESTHER

In your opinion.

                          OLIVE

It’s not just my opinion.

                          ESTHER

But it’s you I’m talking to at the moment.

                          OLIVE

All right.  In my opinion.

                          ESTHER

Why?  Because you don’t drink?

                          OLIVE

I don’t see the point.

                          ESTHER

Then you’re not paying attention.

                          OLIVE

There’s so much to take in, so much to do, so many people to connect with, why dull your senses?

                          ESTHER

There.  You’ve hit it.

                          OLIVE

Don’t you care?

                          ESTHER

I care a great deal.  I drink to care less.

                          OLIVE

But all the time --

                          ESTHER

All the time, even with all the time I spend with my patients, all the time I spend trying to cultivate the forests, there is always that time - the time you can’t sleep.  Your mind won’t let you.  You have to fill it with something.  So why not something pleasant?  Something to lull you to sleep?  Something to give you some comfort?  What is wrong with that?

                          OLIVE

People can provide comfort.

                          ESTHER

People also provide a great deal of the things that keep me awake at night.  If you truly care for people, and I do.  I have to, or I couldn’t do my job.  If you truly care, there is no down time.  There is no off switch.  And eventually they just wring you out.  There’s nothing left.  You have to fill it, that place you once were, the part of you that wasn’t inextricably tied up in everyone and everything else.  The part of you that did things and produced things, instead of just watching and assisting others.  The part of you that you could point to and say, “This is me.  Apart from what I do, apart from who I know, this is who I am.”  That part of you is gone, and it leaves a space.  A space that has to be filled with something, otherwise it becomes an ache.  Something you’ve lost that keeps you awake in the dark wondering when and how and where you lost it.  It may have been ground down and turned into vapor, it may not have taken up much space in your existence by the end, but when it’s finally, truly gone, you will miss it.  You start to wonder why you still have limbs and teeth and a beating heart.  Why not just distribute what’s left of you among those who appear to be fully functional?  But you’re still here.  Still have to rise and walk, still have to eat in order to keep your hands moving. And that, my dear, is one of the reasons I drink.

There is silence between them.

                          ESTHER (cont’d)

I shouldn’t come here.

                          OLIVE

Don’t say that.

                          ESTHER

I bring it all with me.  I infect this house.

                          OLIVE

Don’t be ridiculous.  You don’t bring disease with you.

                          ESTHER

Not disease.  Something worse.  The rest of the world.

                          OLIVE

The rest of the world is not something to be kept out.

                          ESTHER

You only say that because you haven’t been out there.

                          OLIVE

Everyone keeps insisting I lead this sheltered existence.  I know more than most of you give me credit for.

                          ESTHER

You’re not out in the middle of it every day like I am.

                          OLIVE

The world comes to us.  We have workers.  They lead very different lives.

                          ESTHER

Yes, but at the end of the day, they leave.  And you shut the door.  You don’t exist on the same plane with the rest of them. 

                          OLIVE

Which is precisely what you seem to be arguing for, limited exposure.

                          ESTHER

Yes.  It’s the reason I come here.  To escape.

                          OLIVE

But you can’t.

                          ESTHER

No.

                          OLIVE

And you think you’re polluting us somehow.

                          ESTHER

Yes.

                          OLIVE

Maybe when you drink.

                          ESTHER

It’s not the drink.

                          OLIVE

Well, if it makes you like this --

                          ESTHER

I’m not like this when I drink.  Not normally.

                          OLIVE

So it’s me.

                          ESTHER

Yes, I suppose it is.

                          OLIVE

I make you cross.

                          ESTHER

No.  No, you make me wish --

                          OLIVE

What?

                          ESTHER

You make me wish things were different.

                          OLIVE

Different how?

                          ESTHER

That I could stay.  That the world outside didn’t exist, didn’t need me.  That things out there were just as ordered and regular and comforting as they are within these walls.  That there’d be no need to leave.

                          OLIVE

You’re always welcome here.  You know that.

                          ESTHER

Yes.

                          OLIVE

We don’t shut the door.  Not to you.

                          ESTHER

And I appreciate that.

                          OLIVE

Drink if you must.  But please leave Constance out of it.  She’s not like you when she drinks.  She descends into a funk so deep it’s impossible to pull her back out again.  Even after she sobers up, the cloud continues to follow her through her days.

                          ESTHER

The infection.

                          OLIVE

That is one you can protect us from.

                          ESTHER

Moderation.  Everything in moderation.  Can we meet halfway at moderation?

                          OLIVE

Moderation is good.

                          ESTHER

For a start?

                          OLIVE

It’s not my intention to deny you anything.

Writing Challenge – Live And Die By Technology

Challenge

Write a play where a piece of technology drives the plot as a living being- but it dies UNEXPECTEDLY and in a big way.
MAKE IT PHYSICAL.

Questions: How do we see this life? How does the stage change when it dies?

How are we forever changed by its life? and the loss of its life?

Bonus if the audience can FEEL the death literally.

This is an exercise. Don't worry about production costs. Be amazing

Does water spray everywhere? Is a smell emitted? Does it vibrate the whole room?

Does it cause any humans to die?

LN

In the middle of the floor sits a robot that looks like a cross between a large dog and a small horse.  It is still.

Its owner, GRAHAM, is anything but still.  Pacing, bewildered, stopping and staring for brief moments just to check that the robot has in fact ceased to function and is not reviving. 

The door has been left cracked open, in anticipation of a guest.  In addition to pacing around the robot, GRAHAM also looks off toward the door, clearly expecting someone, impatient for them to arrive.

At last, they arrive.  NORA enters, dressed in something that seems like a uniform, perhaps of a repair technician.

NORA – Mr. Goslow?

GRAHAM – Oh thank God.  Come in, come in, please.  She’s over here.

NORA – She?

GRAHAM – It, I mean it.  The robot.  I don’t know what to do, I’m so relieved you’re here.

NORA – What’s the situation?

GRAHAM – Like I said when I called, everything was normal and then in the middle of a sentence she just stopped.

NORA – She?

GRAHAM – Ellen.

NORA – You gave it a name?

GRAHAM – Well, no, not a name.  I know it’s a thing, it doesn’t have a name.  It’s more of a nickname.

NORA – For?

GRAHAM – The serial number – LN7A30P9X.  LN.  Ellen.

NORA – Oh.  Got it.

GRAHAM – Can you fix her – it?

NORA – No.

GRAHAM – No?!  You haven’t even looked at her.

NORA – There’s nothing to be done.

GRAHAM – How can you say that?

NORA – It’s a machine.  Machine’s run their course, you get a new one.

GRAHAM – But I don’t want a new one.

NORA – I’m afraid you don’t really have a choice.

GRAHAM – So you’re not a repair person?

NORA – No.

GRAHAM – Then what are you?

NORA – A grief counselor.

GRAHAM – I didn’t call for grief counseling.

NORA – How long have you had LN?

GRAHAM – 15 years.

NORA – That’s about five times longer than this model is expected to hold out.

GRAHAM – I took very good care of her.

NORA – I’m sure you did.

GRAHAM – She’s taken very good care of me.

NORA – You’re using personal pronouns again.

GRAHAM – She wasn’t just a machine.

NORA – No, of course not.  I apologize if I seemed insensitive before.

GRAHAM – You’re sure?  There’s nothing - ?

NORA – I’m afraid not.

GRAHAM – This morning seemed so normal.  She woke me up.  She fixed me breakfast.  She read me the news.  She screened my calls.  She monitored the lesser house robots.  We were having a really spirited discussion about – I don’t remember what we were talking about exactly but it was very lively.  We were laughing and then –

NORA – She just stopped.

GRAHAM – She just stopped.

NORA – She had a good run.  They don’t make them like this anymore.

GRAHAM – So what do I do?

NORA – Well, I can take her off your hands and put her through the recycling process.

GRAHAM – Oh no, that’s OK, I’ll – I’ll take care of any of that.

NORA – It’s no trouble.  It’s part of the service.

GRAHAM – I wasn’t thinking when I called you that we’d be giving up.  That this would be it.  I need a little time with her before she gets scrapped.

NORA – Of course.

GRAHAM – I meant what do I do?

NORA – Oh.  Yes.  There are backups.

GRAHAM – Of?

NORA – Everything.  Backups of everything.  You’ve lost none of your basic information.  In addition to the self-maintenance, part of what the LN series was designed to do was make sure all data was constantly being preserved outside the unit, stored in the home, so the owner isn’t left trying to start from scratch.

GRAHAM – God.  All the passwords, all the phone numbers.

NORA – You’ll need to read to yourself for a while.  And make your own phone calls.  You should set an alarm to wake you up.  A lesser house robot can probably assist with the meals for a while.

GRAHAM – But eventually we can upload all this into a new unit.

NORA – Yes and no.

GRAHAM – What’s that mean?

NORA – They don’t make them like this anymore.  There will be some minor translation issues.  Whatever we transfer  the data into, it won’t be her.

GRAHAM – Oh.

NORA – I’m afraid LN, the robot you knew, the robot you depended on, the robot that was your companion.  That robot is gone.

GRAHAM – I never got a chance to –

NORA – She knew.

GRAHAM – How can you know that?

NORA – It’s how the LNs are programmed.  Any and all interaction with the owner reinforces their feeling of self-worth and accomplishment.  Just by allowing her to guide you through the beginning of your day today, you made her enormously happy.

GRAHAM – I’d really like to believe that’s true.

NORA – Do you have anyone who can come and be with you?

GRAHAM – What?  Oh.  No.  No one like that.

NORA – You had LN.

GRAHAM – Yes.

NORA – You could get a pet, for companionship.

GRAHAM – Are you trying to be funny?

NORA – No.  Some people find small animals very rewarding.

GRAHAM – They die.

NORA – Everything dies.

GRAHAM – I’d have to feed them on the one end, and clean up the leftovers coming out the other end.

NORA – Yes.

GRAHAM – I’m not sure I could care for a dumb animal that much.

NORA – There’s no need to call them dumb.

GRAHAM – Well, I can hardly hold a conversation with one, now can I?

NORA – Of course you can.  The translation chips now are incredibly advanced.

GRAHAM – Does it mean that a dog has a more extensive vocabulary than your average two-year-old boy or girl?

NORA – Well, no.

GRAHAM – Conversation.  Shot.

NORA – You’re right.  It won’t be LN level discourse.

GRAHAM – Besides, it’s barbaric.

NORA – Most pets come very well-trained these days.

GRAHAM – No, I mean me.  Taking a living thing and cooping it up in my home all day.  It’s not right.

NORA – You have a nice back yard.

GRAHAM – But animals were meant to roam, freely.  I wouldn’t feel right.

NORA – They’re bred specifically for –

GRAHAM – No.  But thank you.

NORA – An upgrade to a new model won’t cost you much at all.  I could have it here this afternoon.

GRAHAM – Oh.  I don’t think I’m ready for that.  Not yet.

NORA – Take your time.

GRAHAM – It’s going to seem so quiet now.

NORA – You can play some music or turn on the TV to keep you company for a bit.

GRAHAM – I’ll have to find the remotes.

NORA – Consult the backups.  You have some nice old-school, actual physical books on the shelves over here.  Very nice.  You could crack one of them open.

GRAHAM – I’ll need to find my glasses.

NORA – Backups.

GRAHAM – Oh dear.

NORA – I’ll leave you my number.  If you have any concerns, or want to arrange delivery of the new unit –

GRAHAM – Yes.  Thank you.  You’ve been very kind.

NORA – I’m sorry for your loss.

GRAHAM – Thank you.

NORA leaves.

GRAHAM goes in search of the backups.  Finds them.  Starts one.

LN – Good morning, Graham.

GRAHAM – LN.

LN – If you’re consulting this, I must have malfunctioned in some way.  Perhaps I’ve reached the end of my existence window.  If so, I’m terribly sorry.

GRAHAM – It’s good to hear your voice.

LN – Not to worry.  We’ll have you and the household back up and running in no time.  And I’m sure my replacement will pick things up even quicker than I did when we began.  Such marvelous objects they have nowadays.

GRAHAM – Yes.  Such marvelous objects.

LN – Shall we get started?

GRAHAM – Yes.

LN – Choose a category.

To Be Continued...