Tell a Playright How You Want a Play Written - Bid Now through Saturday 10/8 - for Threshold Theater

 

Threshold Theater is the theater company I work with as their Literary Director and in-house playwright (they’ve got two of my plays in the pipeline for production in upcoming years).  Threshold is doing their annual Coming Out Cabaret and Fundraiser event this coming Saturday, October 8th from 7pm to 9pm at The Black Hart of Saint Paul (I love that name) - a gay/drag/soccer bar just across the road from the soccer stadium (near the Snelling/University intersection), 1415 University Avenue West in St. Paul.

Even if you can’t attend in person, you can still participate by bidding online in our silent auction (right now, through Saturday evening).  Something you may find of particular interest is that I’m putting my playwriting skills up for bidding:

Ever wanted to tell a playwright how to write their play?
You can!
Setting, characters, names, genre, title, plot points, random bits of dialogue? You can dictate as many or few items as you like. The higher you bid, the more input you can have. Or you can just wing it and ask the playwright to surprise you with something. Totally up to you.

There are two categories, ten minute play and one act play:

Top 3 bidders will each get a 10-minute play in that category

Only the top bidder gets a one act play 

Just put your bids in the comments section of the post of the item in which you’re interested.

They’re taking bids on the individual items (links to mine specifically are above) and the rest are all posted on the Threshold Theater Facebook page:

https://www.facebook.com/ThresholdTheater

(If you don’t have a Facebook account, you can either work through me or someone else you know with a Facebook account to place a bid online)

In addition to potentially compelling me to write something new for the stage, we have a variety of other offerings:

A Mega-Bundle of tickets to HUGE improv comedy theater

A signed Minnesota Vikings football

Tickets to Once Upon A Mattress at Old Log Theater (running now through January 7, 2023)

A gardening consultation and work session with a U of MN Extension Master Gardener

Tickets to your pick of several different Guthrie Theater shows in the coming season: The Little Prince (December 2022), Blues For Alabama Sky (February 2023), Born With Teeth (March 2023), Hamlet (April 2023), Murder on the Orient Express (May 2023), Into The Woods (June 2023), and Shane (July 2023)

An almost ridiculous variety and amount of alcohol from several local venues and breweries

Framed original photography

A basket of homemade canned fruits and jellies

And if you just want to make a straight-up donation to the theater company, you can visit the theater’s page at GiveMN.org

So join us in person or join us online. Either way you go, the theater thanks you for the support.

 

 

Seeking Writers and Actors for Bi-Weekly Playwriting Group

Want to give yourself a deadline for playwriting on a regular basis? 
Want to help develop new plays and read new work? 
We may have a group for you.

This is a playwriting group that meets the first and third Monday of the month, beginning September 2022 and continuing through May of 2023.  (We normally break for the summer, aka Minnesota Fringe Festival season.)

During the beginning of the pandemic, we shifted to an online platform to continue meeting.  This fall we’re experimenting with a hybrid format, those comfortable with meeting in person gathering in one another’s homes, and those who prefer or need to remain online joining the rest through our online meeting room.  (The first meeting in this style worked pretty well, and we’re working out the kinks in the process as we go.) We’re keeping an eye on the progress of COVID-19 seasonally and will adjust as necessary.

We're just trying to keep creative while we wait for theater to truly re-open on a large scale again.  We go looking annually for new blood to join those already in the group, since both actors and writers tend to get busy in cycles sometimes and we like to have a regular core of people to keep the meetings well-attended and useful.

Material to be read could be scenes, could be an act, could be an entire draft of a whole play. We also throw out a writing challenge, just in case people want to sharpen their teeth (or pencils, or keyboards?) on something random, or use it to help jumpstart them past writer's block.

We invite actor friends in to help us read (hence the call for actors as well as writers). All are welcome to offer constructive feedback - it's neither supposed to be a lovefest nor a feeding frenzy. We're here to get better, but also to support one another. The idea is to get better collectively, rather than at one another's expense. It's not a place for fragile egos or manufactured personal drama (drama on the page only, please).

Monday Group Manifesto

Six Things We Consider Important About The Group and How It Runs

-Monday Group will invite actors to attend meetings and read most roles. Matthew will be the point dude for inviting actors, but all members should feel free to invite actors if they want someone specific to read.

-Monday Group is and will remain a group of playwrights. While the focus is on writing plays, members may bring any work that can be performed. Long pieces of prose are not appropriate.

-Monday Group members will aim to bring work to every meeting they can attend. Group members who are not pursuing individual projects can do a writing challenge, designed by the host of the next meeting. Group members are, however, not to waste any time beating themselves up if they cannot always meet this goal.

-Monday Group will hold to the Roundtable guidelines for feedback, by beginning the discussion with positive remarks and moving on to offer constructive, specific criticism.

-Monday Group will recruit new members on a mentor system. If you have a candidate for a new group member, after ascertaining the candidate's interest, check in with the group about the person. If the group agrees, bring the new person to a meeting and be willing to serve as their guide.

-Monday Group is about supporting each other in our growth as writers. We want to be, and recruit, writers who can learn from each other's work, and who do work that is inspiring.

So if you’re interested in sitting in on a meeting to see if it's the kind of thing that could help your own creative process, reach out to Matthew online (blog, facebook, twitter, instagram, etc.) or via matthewaeverett268 AT gmail DOT com

 

 

Seeking Writers and Actors for Bi-Weekly Playwriting Group

 

Want to give yourself a deadline for playwriting on a regular basis? 
Want to help develop new plays and read new work? 
We may have a group for you.

We were hoping to be doing this in person again but given the general spike in the pandemic, we're remaining online for now - a playwriting group that meets the first and third Monday of the month, starting September 20, 2021, and continuing through May of 2022.  (Perhaps later on in the calendar we'll be meeting in one another's homes again, but for now...)

We're just trying to keep creative while we wait for theater to truly re-open on a large scale again.  Looking for new blood, since both actors and writers tend to get busy in cycles sometimes and we like to have a regular core of people to keep the meetings well-attended and useful.

Material to be read could be scenes, could be an act, could be an entire draft. We also throw out a writing challenge, just in case people want to sharpen their teeth (or pencils, or keyboards?) on something random, or use it to help jumpstart them past writer's block.

We invite actor friends in to help us read (hence the call for actors as well as writers). All are welcome to offer constructive feedback - it's neither supposed to be a lovefest nor a feeding frenzy. We're here to get better, but also to support one another. The idea is to get better collectively, rather than at one another's expense. It's not a place for fragile egos or manufactured personal drama (drama on the page only, please).

Monday Group Manifesto

Six Things We Consider Important About The Group and How It Runs

-Monday Group will invite actors to attend meetings and read most roles. Matthew will be the point dude for inviting actors, but all members should feel free to invite actors if they want someone specific to read.

-Monday Group is and will remain a group of playwrights. While the focus is on writing plays, members may bring any work that can be performed. Long pieces of prose are not appropriate.

-Monday Group members will aim to bring work to every meeting they can attend. Group members who are not pursuing individual projects will do a homework exercise, designed by the host of the next meeting. Group members are, however, not to waste any time beating themselves up if they cannot always meet this goal.

-Monday Group will hold to the Roundtable guidelines for feedback, by beginning the discussion with positive remarks and moving on to offer constructive, specific criticism.

-Monday Group will recruit new members on a mentor system. If you have a candidate for a new group member, after ascertaining the candidate's interest, check in with the group about the person. If the group agrees, bring the new person to a meeting and be willing to serve as their guide.

-Monday Group is about supporting each other in our growth as writers. We want to be, and recruit, writers who can learn from each other's work, and who do work that is inspiring.

So if you’re interested in sitting in on a meeting to see if it's the kind of thing that could help your own creative process, reach out to Matthew online (blog, facebook, twitter, instagram, website, etc.)

Seeking Writers and Actors for Bi-weekly Playwriting Group

Want to give yourself a deadline for playwriting on a regular basis? 
Want to help develop new plays and read new work? 
We may have a group for you.

Writing group meeting every other Monday (7pm) in member homes to read and offer feedback on projects on which the playwrights are currently working.

Meetings run September to May (break for summer/Minnesota Fringe Festival season)

Looking for new blood, since both actors and writers tend to get busy in cycles sometimes and we like to have a regular core of people to keep the meetings well-attended and useful.

Material to be read could be scenes, could be an act, could be an entire draft. We also have the host of the week throw out a writing challenge, just in case people want to sharpen their teeth (or pencils, or keyboards?) on something random, or use it to help jumpstart them past writer's block.

We invite actor friends in to help us read (hence the call for actors as well as writers). All are welcome to offer constructive feedback - it's neither supposed to be a lovefest nor a feeding frenzy. We're here to get better, but also to support one another. The idea is to get better collectively, rather than at one another's expense. It's not a place for fragile egos or manufactured personal drama (drama on the page only, please).

Monday Group Manifesto

Six Things We Consider Important About The Group and How It Runs

-Monday Group will invite actors to attend meetings and read most roles. Matthew will be the point dude for inviting actors, but all members should feel free to invite actors if they want someone specific to read.

-Monday Group is and will remain a group of playwrights. While the focus is on writing plays, members may bring any work that can be performed. Long pieces of prose are not appropriate.

-Monday Group members will aim to bring work to every meeting they can attend. Group members who are not pursuing individual projects will do a homework exercise, designed by the host of the next meeting. Group members are, however, not to waste any time beating themselves up if they cannot always meet this goal.

-Monday Group will hold to the Roundtable guidelines for feedback, by beginning the discussion with positive remarks and moving on to offer constructive, specific criticism.

-Monday Group will recruit new members on a mentor system. If you have a candidate for a new group member, after ascertaining the candidate's interest, check in with the group about the person. If the group agrees, bring the new person to a meeting and be willing to serve as their guide.

-Monday Group is about supporting each other in our growth as writers. We want to be, and recruit, writers who can learn from each other's work, and who do work that is inspiring.

So if you’re interested in sitting in, reach out to Matthew online (blog, facebook, twitter, instagram, website, etc.)

Thanks to those who remain anonymous, for helping us in our time of need

It's been a week since Mom's memorial service.

I've been back in Minneapolis since last Friday afternoon.

I'm getting back to the previous "To Do" list, alongside the new one since her death, checking off one item at at time.

Today, I wanted to reach out to all the Go Fund Me donors, who made my extended time with Mom in May and June possible.  As it turns out, those were our last days together, though none of us knew that at the time.

I had emails for nearly everyone, and could reach out via Facebook to a handful more that I didn't have current email addresses for.

That left just one group unreached: the eight anonymous donors.

Eight people gave and didn't desire any recognition.

But they deserve thanks all the same.  They made my time with Mom possible in her final days, just as much as those whose names I know.

A good rule of thumb would be to try to live my life in general as if everyone I encounter could be those eight anonymous supporters.

Treat everyone as if they were an anonymous donor to your Go Fund Me campaign, during the darkest time in your life, when the need was greatest.

So here's the email you would have gotten from me, if I knew who you were, and how to reach you:

"Thanks so much for your support of me and my family in this difficult time through the Go Fund Me campaign. 

Though we thought that the treatment was going to buy us more time, due to unexpected complications, my mother Beverlee died on July 1st.

I had only just been back at my jobs in Minneapolis for a week and a half, and had just started to send out thank you notes to the Go Fund Me donors, when the unfortunate news of her passing scrambled the schedule again.

Now, even more than before, I appreciate your gift in a whole new light.  Your gift gave me the ability to spend more time in Pennsylvania, supporting Mom during her time in the hospital and transition to rehab, radiation and chemotherapy.  Money literally bought me more time with her, which she greatly appreciated.  And now that extra time with her takes on even greater significance, as they were our last days together.

Your support also allowed me to share some of the burdens with my brother Mark, taking care of the financial and medical paperwork that needed doing (and which I will continue to assist with remotely now when I return again to Minnesota, as we will need to sell the house and settle Mom’s accounts).  Those weeks we had, due to your gift, made a big difference being able to advocate for Mom and her care, face-to-face with people on site.  Those contacts made this new phase of remote work more possible.

In addition to allowing me to stay longer in Pennsylvania with Mom and my brother, your contribution also helped pay for Lyft rides to and from the Parkhouse Nursing and Rehab facility on days when my brother Mark was at work and I was without a vehicle.  It allowed me to visit and support Mom on a daily basis.  Again, your money bought us precious time together.

Your support also enabled me to rent a moving truck, and pay for assistance in the loading and unloading of the vehicle.  It allowed me to load up the family piano that Mom and I had been working the last couple of years to figure out a way to transfer from her home to mine.  The truck also carried Mom’s files - so I can continue to do the work of managing her finances and medical paperwork back in Minneapolis.  The truck also preserved and transported Mom’s biblical reference library, and helped me finally clear out the last of a storage closet in the loft back at home (all the stuff that didn’t make the cut for the original trip out to Minneapolis to start my life there; and needed to be cleared out to help prepare for the sale of the house).

It means a great deal to me (and the family) that you helped make all this possible.  You helped lighten the load we carry in this dark time, and focus on the quality of the time we had left together.

Fair warning, the next time I see you, I’ll probably end up crying.  I hold it together pretty well until someone does something nice for us - whether that be a kind word, a card, a prayer, food, or, in this instance, financial support that made all of these logistics less daunting.  Then I’m a puddle in short order.  It’s hard to type this without crying, to be honest.

Thank you, thank you, thank you for making a terrible time for our family just a little bit easier to bear.

We’ll never be able to adequately express how much your support means to all three of us.

On behalf of Mom and my brother Mark, and of course myself, thank you again."

Family Update: One Way You Can Help...

UPDATE 6/3/2019: Here's what the Go Fund Me campaign is helping me to do:

Mom's settled at Parkhouse Nursing and Rehabilitation - in order to keep that going, I need to finish filing her taxes, so I have part of the pile of paperwork resources necessary to apply for Medicaid (project 1); the house needs to be sold, so the house needs to be cleared out sooner rather than later, so I'll be here another two weeks sorting and packing to load up a rental truck to road trip back to Minnesota with me - there'll be professional help needed to get certain items loaded and unloaded, plus the cost of the truck, gas, an overnight in a hotel, etc. (project 2).

Mom's doing OK in her new surroundings, and the radiation treatments start next week, so that's a blessing - took us the whole month of May and nearly half of June to get there.  Just a lot of work yet to do, to get from Pennsylvania back to Minnesota.  The support work long distance to the family will, of course, continue (managing the finances, processing the paperwork, advocating for Mom's care over the phone, the sale of the house), but at least I'll be back at the two jobs earning money again.

Anything you can do to help, either spreading word of the campaign below, or throwing in a couple of bucks yourself, is appreciated.

All my thanks and gratitude to those who have given and helped spread the word so far.  You've made me cry in a good way, for which I'm grateful.  When the dust settles, I'll reach out personally with thanks to each of you.  It means a lot.

Further details below:

ORIGINAL POST 5/21/2019: Feels a little weird to do this, to be honest, but this is the situation we're in.

I'm still in Pennsylvania helping my family deal with the fact that my mother has a brain tumor - which is inoperable, and even with treatment probably gives her at best 12 months.

Here's the Caring Bridge page on the situation: https://www.caringbridge.org/public/beverleeeverett

On top of mom's health, there's the finances, and the house, all of which need to be dealt with at once (oh, and yes, the grieving before, during and after, which most days I can't really allow myself to factor in or I couldn't function). 

I'm going to need another week or so here to wrap my arms around the whole thing and get some systems in place. Then I will also need to return, probably once a month, to continue dealing in person with things that can't be done remotely by phone or online from Minnesota. So plane or train tickets, moving trucks, plus the lost income from my second job during those times away, where I've already used up what PTO I had (and where it's not possible for anyone to donate me theirs, much as they might want to). 

So my friend Carolyn has set up this Go Fund Me campaign to help raise money to support me in getting these tasks accomplished.

Here's the link - https://www.gofundme.com/supporting-matthew-everett

I realize things are tough all over these days, so if you can't give, no worries. Just spreading the word of the campaign to others is helpful. Even words of support we've received have been enormously helpful. But if you can give, even a little, it's greatly appreciated. 

(Photo, my brother Mark taking advantage of a sunny day while Mom was still at Phoenixville Hospital to get her outside for a bit)

Family Update: Good News, Bad News...

Dad, surprisingly, is still with us, doing his daily thing.  Unfortunately, now Mom took a quite unexpected hit in the health department last week, so I'm back home in Pennsylvania, trying to help sort things out.  There's a Caring Bridge site up for Mom - https://www.caringbridge.org/public/beverleeeverett.  Check there for details.  All good thoughts, wishes and prayers are welcome at this point.

Fair Warning: Rant Ahead -

I learned the other day that someone I knew drank themselves to death. Slowly, steadily, over a period of years, consumed so much alcohol that they destroyed their own body from the inside out.

And I am angry. Because I blame their parents.

This person was queer, and their parents did not accept them. They did not cut their child out of their life, but they did something that is arguably worse. They poisoned their child’s own mind against themselves.

Their constant disappointment and disapproval, their withholding of unconditional love for their child, crippled that child emotionally. That child never stopped hoping, never stopped trying, to reach those cold and distant parents. But that child could not be straight and didn’t try to be.

I hope it gave this person comfort that their family was with them at the end.

But I hope it gave the family no comfort.

Because they are responsible.

There are days when I wonder if I really need to keep writing queer stories, if we still need to hear them. And then I get news of bullsh*t like this.

You know when I’m going to feel like I can stop writing queer stories?

When parents stop killing their children.

Family Update - Dad Turns 91 Today :)

DAD UPDATE: (not a dire pronouncement, you can relax, good news)

Dad turns 91 today.  And he’s still with us.

The man who we thought might not make it to Christmas has instead made it all the way to the middle of February.

He’s had a little rebound in energy and appetite.  He remains comfortable and well cared for.

There’s a new, smaller, more focused activity group to engage some of his daytime hours.  Something where everyone is more on his conversational level, which is still remarkably keen and alert for a guy with some memory issues.

My stepmother’s email earlier this week summed it up: “I am realistic, but, nevertheless, pleased!”

She gets his daily company when she comes to help feed him his dinner.  She reminds him about his day just past, and the day just ahead of him.  She reminds him when she’s going to see him again.  She reads to him.  Often she’ll read a little note that they receive in the mail from me.

I’ve been writing him every day.  I got a set of multicolored little stationery cards originally to write little notes to my goddaughter.  The past several months, I’ve been writing both to her, and to Dad, every day.  Not much, just a little something.  I fill both sides of the card with details from my days.  What I’m working on, what I’ve seen, what’s been on my mind, what I’m reading, some random item from my general environment, painting a picture of what my day to day life is like here in Minnesota.  It’s become a ritual.  My stepmother gave me some feedback that recent notes detailing the ins and outs of how I’m rewriting a play have been a big hit with Dad, sort of pulling back the curtain on my theater work.  I was a little afraid that might be boring but it seems to be the opposite, so we’ll reference that as it arises.  Extra incentive to keep on those rewrites, which doesn’t hurt.

She’ll call, later today when I’m at work and she’s arrived for his dinner, and we’ll all speak, briefly - Dad can’t engage for long on the phone, but he likes it as long as it lasts, and it’s good to hear his voice.

All of which makes me wonder, how much longer have we got?

I try not to be morbid and borrow trouble, stay in the moment, just enjoy what we have.

But honestly, I worried I was jinxing things when I dropped his birthday card in the mail last week (because I know it takes a week for any mail to reach them and I wanted the card to get there on time).

Because I go through so many notes in a week, I try to sit down and address and return address a handful of the envelopes ahead of time, so I’m not wasting potential note writing time with the basics I could do with less focused brain power.  But every time I’m sitting and writing out Dad’s name and address, I feel like I’m tempting fate, expecting I’m going to have cause to use all of them.  That I’m going to get that many more days.

And there’ll come a day when I get a phone call.  And that’s going to be it.

And all the notes I’ve written in the previous days, that take a week to reach their destination, will be things he never hears her read to him at dinner time.

I’m working with a friend who runs a theater in Connecticut on a short piece for their 2019 Christmas show.  And the thought keeps creeping into my head, what the heck is Christmas going to look like this year?

Because Christmas and his birthday are still two very significant days for Dad, even as he forgets a lot of everything else.  He hung on for Christmas.  He’s hung on for his birthday.

Now what’s he going to hang on for?

The days with her, I guess.  His valentine.

We don’t trouble him with the bad news these days.  We don’t want him to worry.  About us, about anything.  He got us all started, it’s up to us now.  We just want to reinforce how much we appreciate whatever time we get with him, and everything he’s done.  But it’s OK now, he can rest.  (We don’t want you to go, but it’s OK.)

We all made the big 90th birthday celebration a year ago, when things seemed much less precarious.

I’m sorry I can’t be there today for 91.  The finances, such as they are, quite literally won’t allow it.  We used up the emergency funds right after Thanksgiving.

So we communicate from afar.  And we wait.

But today’s a good day.  Dad make another complete orbit around the sun.

And that will make him happy.

I’m going to write him a little note.

Family Upate - Time With Dad

(I originally posted this on facebook but I wanted to spread it around so...)

Dad Update:  What a gift the time with my Dad was this week.  I wish I could take a picture that would convey what happens when he opens his eyes and sees me.  His face just lights up.  He smiles and says my name.  None of which I thought would be happening at this stage.  But despite his memory issues, my Dad seems to be holding on really fiercely to the idea of me as his son.  It seems as though my Dad will be just as happy to see me on the day he leaves this life as he was on the day that I entered it.  And it gives him such pleasure just to see me and spend time with me, showing up is really all he needed me to do.  So I’m very glad that I went.

Since returning, I’m constantly reminded of all the things I do each morning without even thinking that are out of my Dad’s reach.  I can get out of bed by myself.  I can walk to the bathroom.  I can take a shower.  I can use a toilet.  I can wash and shave my own face, brush my own teeth and gargle.  I can brush my own hair.  I can dress myself.  I can walk around my home without anyone’s assistance.  I can prepare meals and feed myself.

When I was a baby and a small child, my father and mother would do these things for me, or help me as I learned to do for myself.  If you’re a lucky child, there’s no way you could ever repay your parents for all the many things they’ve done for you.  It’s a strange and rare privilege to be able to return the favor, even for a few days.  Dad has an amazing staff of caregivers doing most of the heavy lifting for him.  But just to be able to sit with him, and help to feed him or hold a glass to his lips so he can drink.  It’s a very humbling thing to be given a chance to do.

The day I arrived in the afternoon, he was already pretty done in for the day, but he rallied a little just to be able to say hello.  When I asked how he was feeling, he said, “I don’t feel like I get all that much out of my days anymore, son.  And I don’t feel like the family gets much out of them either.”  My stepmom Debbie and I visited him again at dinnertime.  She feels it’s important to show up and help him eat then because it’s the lowest point of the day for him, energy-wise.  The company and encouragement help.

The next morning, I accompanied him to what they call the Day Program, a huge room with all sorts of activities, access to an outdoor patio (during warmer weather), and big windows with beautiful views of the grounds.  New England scenery is working overtime where they live.  The challenge for Dad these days is by the time the nursing staff gets him up and fed and groomed and dressed and, via a Hoyer Lift, into his wheelchair for the journey off the dementia unit and down the hall to the Day Program, he’s pretty much wiped out energy-wise.  It takes him a while to get a little bit of a second wind, or just to get his bearings.  He wasn’t so much confused as just tired.  So he didn’t get much into the day’s art projects, though the singalong grabbed his attention from time to time.

They serve lunch at the Day Program so they parked Dad and me at one of the big windows to look out on the grounds as we ate.  Dad loves the view from that window.  I started feeding him and they brought me over the New England version of a Philly cheesesteak (which was actually pretty close, and quite tasty).  That led to a discussion of this great old hole in the wall place that Dad, my brother Mark and I used to go all the time for real Philly cheesesteaks, and some delightfully bad for you cheese fries.  At the mention of this my Dad obviously latched onto a memory because he got a different kind of smile on his face.  Debbie was introduced to this restaurant when Dad was first introducing her to my brother and me and she still remembers it - not her kind of food at all, but she was a good sport about playing along with the dining choice.  I’m sure the place isn’t even there anymore, but we all carry it around in our heads still.  At one point Dad said, “Now when I sit at this window it’s going to be even more special because now I’ll have a memory of having lunch here with my son.”

Every time throughout the day when I would leave him so he could rest, I’d kiss him on the forehead and say “I love you, Dad” and his response was always the same.  “I love you, too, son.  I’m so proud of you.”  And even though he always asks about the two day jobs I hold down to pay the bills, and makes sure to get a full report, he always makes sure to ask about the writing I do if I don’t bring it up first.  And when he talks about why he’s proud of me, it’s never the day jobs he mentions, it’s always the playwriting.  He’s seen and read so many of my plays that he knows the kind of stories I write.  And even though he can’t remember the details of them any more, he talks about them being important because they’re helping people to understand each other, and realize we’re not as different as we think we are.  Even if there isn’t a new production of anything in the pipeline, I’m always writing, and he always wants to hear what I’m thinking about.

“I’m happy just to sit with you and listen to you to talk,” he said at one point.  So I would sit and hold his hand, or rub his knee or run a hand up and down the side of his arm, because he found it soothing, and just be with him.

The last morning on this visit, I’ll admit I had a good solid cry over breakfast.  And walking into Dad’s room that morning, seeing him with his eyes closed, laid out on the bed in the transfer sling they use with the lift, waiting for them to come back and move him, even though he was just resting, the visual brought me up short.  Then I walked over, said good morning, and he opened his eyes and smiled at me, and on we went with the morning routine.

One of these visits is going to be the last visit.  We just don’t know for sure which one it is, yet.  This might have been it.  But if he makes it to Christmas, and if we get more time like that at Christmas, that’ll be a good thing, too.  And if this visit was the last one, then I know it made him happy, and that’s enough.  The last several years, me buying a plane ticket was the major Christmas gift anyway.  The man doesn’t need things.  He just wants to see his children.

Sometimes, showing up is all you need to do.

Now we just see how many days are left, and make the most of each one we get.  Thanks for keeping us in your thoughts and prayers, everyone.  It means a lot.

Family Update - Emergency Visit

(I originally posted this on facebook but I wanted to spread it around so...)

Dad Update: Mom and my brother Mark went up to visit last weekend, now it seems it is my turn.

My stepsister Carolyn called on Thanksgiving to say that I shouldn't wait for the holiday visit three weeks hence. She thinks there's a good chance if I wait that long, I may miss seeing Dad entirely. So, thank goodness Mom could help me with the cost of a flight, I'll be heading out before dawn on Monday morning and should be in Boston by noon that day.

Dad is best, briefly, first thing in the morning (even now he's a morning person). So I'll catch him in groggier form on Monday afternoon, and then have a decent chance to hang out with him on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings, and I'll be winging back to Minnesota late Wednesday afternoon.

I've been writing him little notes nearly every day, as I do with my goddaughter Ursula, in recent weeks. My stepmother Debbie reads them to him. They're just short enough to be digestible. So I feel, weirdly, like I've been visiting and in conversation with him already, even though it's one-sided. And I've been visiting regularly each Christmas, and we all gathered for his 90th birthday in February this year, so I don't feel unconnected to what's been going on, but it's accelerating now.

Mom doesn't think Dad will be physically gone by Christmas, but she thinks there's a good chance he may not still be with us mentally by then.  The dementia’s really taking hold.  She could tell when they were talking during her visit that there were moments he couldn’t figure out who she was.  They were having a friendly chat, but there was something behind his eyes that said, “I know who she is, but I can’t place her.”

My stepmother Debbie falls somewhere on the spectrum between my mom and Carolyn about just how close Dad is to the exit door, and whether his mind or his body will be going through first, but she seemed really relieved when I said I was coming.  She doesn’t want me to miss the window either.

And I’ll still be going out again in three weeks’ time.  This visit’s just for insurance.  Early Christmas.  Who knows what Christmas proper will look like this time around.

On one level, we’ve said everything we need to say to each other, Dad and me.  I feel very lucky.  I’ve never doubted his love for me, and vice versa.  And every phone call, he never fails to say how proud he is of me, whether I feel like I’ve done anything all that significant to be proud about or not.

He’s getting the best of care.  We’re very fortunate in so many ways.

But, you know, it still sucks saying goodbye.

As Marvin the paranoid android in The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy would say, “Life.  Don’t talk to me about life.”

Or as Kurt Vonnegut would say, “So it goes.”

Thanks for all the thoughts, prayers and good wishes, everyone.  Even though I haven’t had time to respond properly, it’s good to know you’re all out there, lifting us up.

Take care.

Family Upate - Last Christmas

(I originally posted this on facebook, but I wanted to spread it around, so...)

I'm struggling in my relationship with facebook and other social media these days but it seems like the most efficient way to get the news out so I'm just going to post it here for those who might be interested/concerned.

This will probably be my Dad’s last Christmas with us.

This is the considered opinion of all the folks involved in my dad’s care at the retirement community to which he and my stepmother moved this past May, in an effort to consolidate their living situation and finances.  Their finances are fine, and he’s getting the very best of care, and now my stepmother Debbie doesn’t have to deal with the upkeep of their home all by herself.  Also she’s part of a larger community now on the independent living wing, and not living in a big house all by herself - and she’s always just down the hall and around the corner from Dad and she doesn’t have to go outside and drive somewhere to visit him.  So things are good.

But he’s 90 (91 in February, if he’s still with us), and his body’s just tired.  He’s not really eating.  He’s losing weight.  He still has his hearing and eyesight for the most part, and there are stretches of the early part of the day where he’s still pretty focused.  He still remembers who we all are.  There are some behavioral issues that have started to manifest recently but they’re managing as best they can.  He’s not in pain.  He’s not scared.  Honestly, he’s in a very good place this close to the exit.

There will be no feeding tube.  There will be no “heroic measures.”  They both decided that for themselves as a couple a long time ago, because they worked in long term care and saw the story play out for countless other people.  When it’s time, it’s time.

The hospice nurses giving him extra attention right now have a checklist of things they watch out for.  Once enough of those boxes get checked, they alert the family - then it’s normally about a week to two weeks after that.  It’s not a science.  He could go faster, he could take longer.  He could just go in his sleep when no one was expecting it.

It’s a minor miracle he made it this far, given the collection of things that are wrong with him and all the counter-medications that have to be calibrated “just so” in order to help and not harm him.  Six years on from the stroke, and he’s still here.  But we’re on the glide path now.

He said out of the blue to the music therapist who visits with her guitar the other day, “I think I’m going to die soon.”  Not depressed, not “oh well, I’ve had a good life.”  At base, humans are animals.  And on some level, animals know.

He loves Christmas.   He loves my visit right before Christmas.  We all think he’s hanging on for that.  Hopefully that’ll happen.  After that, my stepsister said that if we’re still having these discussions in March, she’ll be surprised.  My stepmother isn’t talking about his 91st birthday in February.  Instead she’s talking about proofreading the obituary, cremation, and plans to have a nice ceremony in the spring, rather than right away in the winter, so travel’s easier and everyone has time to plan.  She wants the service to be as positive and life-affirming as possible, for the nine grandchildren.  And the rest of us, of course.

Dad was a minister for part of his career, and most of his life.  So he appreciates prayers, if that’s a thing you do.  Keep him, and the rest of us, in your thoughts, if you would.  It’s gonna be a weird holiday.

Hug your loved ones.  Tell them you care.  Most days, that’s the best we can do.  And most days, it’s enough.

Writer On The Run (Literally)

This Friday morning, 11am, I'll see what my two trainers (both named Tim) over the last year and a half have made out of me.

I know I'm thirty pounds lighter than I was back in April 2008 when I met and started training with Tim #1. In July 2008, I bought my first pair of running shoes and started running outdoors, not just on a treadmill. That was followed by purchases of running socks (who knew there were such things?), and other running gear for when the weather turned colder. Come near springtime, I got handed off to Tim #2, who likes big goals. So he floated the idea of Ragnar's Great River Run. August 21 and 22. 24 hours. 195 miles. A relay race with a team of 12 runners. Me, Tim, and 10 others I'm only just getting to know.

At the first team meeting, we divvied up the running assignments. Each runner has a pre-determined set of three legs, of varying degrees of difficulty (Easy, Moderate, Hard, and Very Hard). After handing out the four most challenging assignments (over 17 miles total, and/or Hard or Very Hard designations on two or more of the three legs) to the really hardcore runners among us, we were determining who would pick up the next assignment in line. People were talking about their running speed, and it turned out I was next fastest (at a 9 minute mile - though Tim #2 is determined I'm going to magically hit 8-1/2).

So, that set of legs is the lead-off runner, #1.

I kick us off in Winona, MN, the starting point of the race. Cross the Mississippi River (on a bridge, this isn't a triathalon), then follow the river up along the Wisconsin side. 7.5 miles (intimidatingly labeled Very Hard) after I begin, I arrive at our first exchange point in Fountain City, WI. Then I get to stretch, maybe rest a little, and do a lot of cheering from the sidelines as the other five runners in my van, and the six in the second van, all do their first legs in the race.

Round about 9:30pm (if everyone's time holds up), we're in Stockholm, WI, and I'm heading out on leg number 13 of the race (hopefully not a bad omen). 6.2 (Hard) miles later - after dark, I'm in Maiden Rock Park, WI.

Everybody else does their second leg. Then around 7am, we're in Stillwater, MN for leg 25, my last of the race. Easy, so the label says. Only 3.1 miles this time, and I end up in Bayport, MN.

Runners 2 through 12 on my team get us all the way back to Minneapolis - Boom Island Park (700 NE Sibley Avenue). Our anchor leg runner should be hitting the finish line sometime around 3:30pm if all goes according to plan. So it's taking us more like 28 or so hours.

My brother doesn't think you should run unless something's chasing you.

When I mentioned running five miles for the first time last summer, someone asked, "Was there a bear behind you?"

I don't listen to music. I get outside so rarely, other than for the running, that I just like listening to nature, and the traffic.

I'll get 16.8 miles of that in less than 24 hours this weekend. We'll see if the charm wears off.

So think good thoughts (say a prayer, whatever good kharma you feel like throwing my way, I'll take it) around 11am on Friday, then again at about 9:30pm, and the following morning about 7am.

And drop by Boom Island Park if you happen to be in the neighborhood. Our team name is "A Team of Crazy People" - which seems apt. Our team colors are orange and black. We'll have decorated both our vans and ourselves accordingly. There are 230 teams participating in this thing, all leaving at different times, all hitting the finish at different intervals. It'd be nice to see some friendly faces among the throng.

4 days after this is all done, I turn 45. So all the expenses involved in doing this thing are sort of my milestone birthday present to myself. An event to mark the next step in the new me. A little older, but a little sturdier.

Then Tim #2 starts ruminating on what our next goal will be. (I smell a lot of free weights, perhaps a bicycle in my future.)

I got a trainer at first just to make sure I wasn't going to injure myself on all these foreign machines and unfamiliar exercises. It's turning into a sort of rebuilding, or reclamation, project. I'll never be 25, or 30, or even 40 again. But maybe I'll fall apart a little more slowly this way. After all, if I don't spend the money on the trainer now, I'll just be handing it to the doctor later. I like the gym, and the running paths, a lot more than the waiting and exam rooms.

Time to see what I'm made of.

Fringe Archive - 2005 - Community

Other random posts that don't fit anywhere else...

Best of the Fringe, Best of the Twin Cities

Lend Outward Spiral Theatre a Hand

The Latest from Skewed Visions

Thirst - Round 3 - details

They're at the Starting Gate... - Get a sneak peek at Man Saved By Condiments and help support Starting Gate Productions while you're at it...

Fringe Archive - 2006 - Community

Other posts about Fringers around the edges of the 2006 Minnesota Fringe Festival...

Plea for a BYOV

Anyone Got A Pool?

Fork It Over, You Cheap Bastards (Please?)

Slim Pickins

Thanks Leah Cooper and Matthew Foster (and to all of you)

Welcome, Robin!

Fringer Wins Title of Funniest Person In Twin Cities

Fringe Archive - 2007 - The 35W Bridge Collapse, and Fringe Fallout

Sometimes, real life is infinitely stranger than art...

One Weird Night

Context

Bridge Fatigue

John Munger Blog Post - Painful Hindsight

The Price of a Fringe Button

Fringe Archive - 2007 - Life of a Blogger (and Mom)

Technical difficulties, and other oddities, related to being a blogger about the 2007 Minnesota Fringe Festival...

The Working My Last Nerve Award

Some Questions...

Ladies and Gentlemen, Check Your Spam Filters

How Do You Talk About Blogging?

77 Shows

Email Blast - from around town, around the state, around the country, and across the ocean - wild.

Producers' Meetings

Good Show

Quick & Dirty Web Pages for Fringers

Spamalot

Stupid Question

Process

Fringing With Mom 5.0

Website Down, Website Up, and the Next Five Years

Hmmmm, Anybody Out There?

The Email-Eating, Cyber-Monster

Community

OCD Alert - Fringe Schedule Is Up

Too Nice

Dangerous Waters

Do You Have A Show In The Fringe This Year?

Official? Unofficial? Who Cares? Not Me

Mom's Schedule Takes Shape

The Man Behind The Curtain

Mom's On The Road

Opening Night, Opening Slot

This Time Next Week, Fringe Ramp-up

Sweet Jesus

When Do You Write?

Other People's Favorites

Farewell, Mom - Safe Journey!

Shows So Nice I Want To See Twice

My Schedule

A Final Rundown

A Brownout, and Back To Russia

Archiving The Old, Looking Ahead to the New (yes, already)

One Year On

Cleaning Up

Fringe Archive - 2007 - Fringe Community

Various posts touching on members of the Fringe community in the ramp up to the 2007 Minnesota Fringe Festival...

A Death In The Family - Chase Korte

Four Humors Fundraiser

Pizza Date with Dave Mondy Tonight

Dave Mondy - Let's Try This Again, Shall We?