Challenge: Myth language is an awesome resource for writers.
Write a play that is the birth of a myth. Piggy-back on
actual myths. Steal language and plot lines. Mix and match. Have fun! Example, wikipedia water/earth/fertility goddess.
Click on some names. Pull key words and plot points.
RHYMES WITH DUCK
ELOHIM
sits at a bar. He’s dressed formally.
ARISTOTLE
walks up to the bar.
ARISTOTLE
So
a minister and an atheistic walk into a bar –
ELOHIM
Before
you say anything you think is funny, you should know I’m actually a minister.
ARISTOTLE
And
I’m actually an atheist.
ELOHIM
Small
world. Good guess.
ARISTOTLE
Not
really. I saw you greeting parishioners
after the service outside your church this morning. The robes were kind of a giveaway.
ELOHIM
Here
I thought not having to wear a collar like a priest would get me a pass in my
off hours.
ARISTOTLE
God’s
kind of a 24-7 gig, isn’t he?
ELOHIM
Can
be.
So
you’re stalking me?
ARISTOTLE
Technically.
ELOHIM
Should
I be worried?
ARISTOTLE
No.
ELOHIM
You
have me at a disadvantage.
ELOHIM offers his
hand.
ELOHIM (cont’d)
Elohim.
ARISTOTLE
Ari.
ELOHIM
Larry?
ARISTOTLE
No,
Ari. It’s short for Aristotle.
ELOHIM
Well,
your parents had low expectations for you.
ARISTOTLE
And
yours didn’t?
ELOHIM
So
you know –
ARISTOTLE
That
Elohim’s one of the Hebrew names for God.
Yeah.
ELOHIM
Middle
name?
ARISTOTLE
Alexander.
ELOHIM
Great
philosopher, world’s greatest warrior.
ARISTOTLE
No
world’s left to conquer.
ELOHIM
Very
low expectations.
ARISTOTLE
Yours?
ELOHIM
(pronouncing it hay-SOOS)
Jesus.
ARISTOTLE
Spelled
like - ?
ELOHIM
Yup.
ARISTOTLE
So
did they just give you minister’s robes at your christening?
ELOHIM
You’d
think so, wouldn’t you?
ARISTOTLE
You
seemed sad.
ELOHIM
You
just lost me.
ARISTOTLE
I
was watching you, on the steps of the church.
You’re really good at hiding it, but you seemed sad.
ELOHIM
You’re
an expert in sadness, are you?
ARISTOTLE
It’s
a little early in the day to be hitting the bar.
ELOHIM holds up his
drink.
ELOHIM
I’m
not hitting it very hard. This is my
first, probably my only. I can walk
home. And the demanding part of my work
day is already over.
ARISTOTLE
So
why are you talking to me?
ELOHIM
Occupational
hazard. I rarely walk away from a
conversation. Particularly if someone
introduces themselves as an atheist.
ARISTOTLE
Conversion
challenge boner?
ELOHIM
Not
a delicate way of putting it, but sure, if you like. I don’t expect to get anywhere in a single
sitting, mind you. Doesn’t mean I’m not
intrigued.
ARISTOTLE
I’m
intriguing?
ELOHIM
Not
when you go fishing for compliments like that.
ARISTOTLE
What
if I, too, was a “fisher of men”?
ELOHIM
Don’t
use it in that context.
ARISTOTLE
What
context?
ELOHIM
When
you’re flirting with me. The gospel
doesn’t get me hot.
ARISTOTLE
What
does?
ELOHIM
Honesty.
ARISTOTLE
Honestly,
then, why are you here? I’m curious.
ELOHIM
A
friend of mine killed himself.
ARISTOTLE
(pronouncing it JEE-suss)
Jesus.
ELOHIM
(pronouncing it hay-SOOS)
Jesus.
ARISTOTLE
Bet
you never get tired of that one.
ELOHIM
Beats
being a hardass about taking the Lord’s name in vain.
ARISTOTLE
Sorry
about your friend.
ELOHIM
Me,
too.
It’s
one of the only times I start wobbling – faith-wise.
ARISTOTLE
Suicides.
ELOHIM
Yup.
ARISTOTLE
So
hitting on you - ?
ELOHIM
Not
the best time. No.
ARISTOTLE
Mind
if I join you?
ELOHIM
Depends
on where this conversation’s headed. I’m
kind of off the clock. Or I’d like to
be.
ARISTOTLE
Genesis.
ELOHIM
Peter
Gabriel or Phil Collins?
ARISTOTLE
That
joke used to be more current.
ELOHIM
So
did Genesis.
ARISTOTLE
Beginning
of the universe.
ELOHIM
The
Big Bang.
Also
the nickname for my first serious boyfriend.
ARISTOTLE
You’re
on fire.
ELOHIM
I’ll
be here all week. Try the veal. Don’t forget to tip your altar boys.
ARISTOTLE
You
don’t have altar boys in your church.
ELOHIM
Don’t
let them hear you say that.
ARISTOTLE
Do
you get funnier or sloppier when you’re drunk?
ELOHIM
Shall
we find out?
ARISTOTLE
I
kind of want to talk.
ELOHIM
Then
stop serving me set-up lines.
ARISTOTLE
The
Enuma Elish.
ELOHIM
Wow. Old school.
(to be continued)
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