Challenge:
Write
a scene that is written by a dog. It's all about dog world views and
things that are important to dogs.
MAKE IT GOOD
MAKE IT A GOOD BOY
YES IT IS
YES IT IS
IT'S A GOOD, GOOD BOY
Bonus- all dog movies have the dog die at the end. I think your should too
Bonus- don't kill your dog at the end!
Bonus- make it a clear allegory for human problems
Bonus- have a character named God
things that are important to dogs.
MAKE IT GOOD
MAKE IT A GOOD BOY
YES IT IS
YES IT IS
IT'S A GOOD, GOOD BOY
Bonus- all dog movies have the dog die at the end. I think your should too
Bonus- don't kill your dog at the end!
Bonus- make it a clear allegory for human problems
Bonus- have a character named God
(Author’s
note: Also all about the dogs, normally.
This scene today didn’t go there.
But I’m pocketing this challenge for later - )
TV
BOYFRIEND
Morning.
KEN, at a loss, trying and failing to find all the
components to try and make a pot of coffee.
JAKE wanders in, still a little foggy, surprised to
see KEN in the kitchen before him.
JAKE
Here
you are.
KEN
I
was trying to make coffee.
I
don’t make coffee.
I
don’t drink coffee.
But
you drink coffee.
So
I was trying to make coffee.
JAKE
Yeah,
you clearly don’t need coffee.
What’s
got you so keyed up, buddy?
KEN
I’m
sorry. I’m useless. Why am I so useless?
JAKE
Hey,
hey, none of that.
KEN
Who
doesn’t know how to make coffee?
JAKE
People
who don’t drink it.
People
who have early rising boyfriends who make it for themselves.
People
who are normally in bed at this hour so their early rising boyfriends have
someone to kiss and manhandle before they roll out of bed and go make coffee.
I
missed you.
KEN
See? What was I thinking?
JAKE
Put
down the coffee pot. Step away from the
filter.
KEN
I
don’t even have a coffee-maker at home.
At my age. What kind of strange
mutant undercaffeinated freak am I?
JAKE
OK. One, you’re my freak. Two, the lack of a coffee-maker is easily
solved. At some point in the next week,
the two of us will go together to a store, and find you a coffee-maker.
KEN is about to protest.
JAKE cuts him off.
JAKE (cont’d)
Don’t
worry. You’re paying for it. I’m just going along so you know the right
one to get. Because you’re right, if I’m
gonna start spending nights at your place – and now that we’re out in the open,
I can totally spend nights at your place – you are definitely going to need a
coffee-maker. Three, what’s up?
KEN
I
don’t think I’m ready.
JAKE
For
- ?
KEN
To
be the TV boyfriend.
JAKE
The
what?
KEN
In
the interview, you said –
JAKE
What
interview?
KEN
What
interview? THE interview.
JAKE
The
coming out story.
KEN
Yeah. You were talking about how great it was going
to be at the next competition to finally be yourself. You were blue-skying and saying that maybe
some people would be there with rainbow flags – and trust me, Jasper has that
covered. He’s been quizzing me about
local gay-owned businesses where he can buy flags and recruit people to come
out and cheer you on, and –
JAKE
TV
boyfriend.
KEN
TV
boyfriend. You were talking about how
the network’s always doing the personality video packages right before guys do
their stunt runs of the day. Then
there’s the little live interview moments.
And then the camera inevitably picks up the friends and family of the
skier, and most of the time they’ve got some hot girlfriend waiting for them at
the bottom of the slope, and the camera lingers lovingly on them for a few
seconds as if to say “What a lucky guy, huh?
He braves danger and this is part of his reward.”
JAKE
I
said all that?
KEN
I’m
embellishing. But something you did
directly say was that, you know, guys’ TV girlfriends are a regular part of the
coverage and one of these days, someday soon, you really wanted a TV boyfriend.
JAKE
And
- ? Now I have one.
KEN
How
did I not track on the fact that if I supported you in coming out, that our
relationship was going to get dragged out into the spotlight with you?
JAKE
I
don’t know. But I’m not dragging anyone
anywhere, if you’re not comfortable. But
you’re not my dirty little secret I’m keeping hidden away anymore either. And it’s not like you’re not out.
KEN
No.
JAKE
I
mean, WAY out.
KEN
I’m
not a pride parade float.
JAKE
But
everything you write –
KEN
Everything
I write, I write for other people to perform, to direct, to design, to
market. The face is never mine.
JAKE
I
like your face.
KEN
I
just don’t want it to be the face of some sad stereotype.
JAKE
The
older guy with the younger partner, how is that sad?
KEN
Someone’s
deluding themselves.
JAKE
And
by someone, you mean you.
KEN doesn’t respond.
JAKE (cont’d)
OK,
for starters, you can’t latch on to everything I’m quoted as saying in an
interview and assuming it’s the most important thing on my list of
priorities. Half the time, they don’t
even get the quote right.
KEN
Did
they get this one right?
JAKE
Yes,
but the point still stands. Interviews
go in all kinds of directions, depending on the person asking the questions and
the kind of story they want to tell. If
I want or need something from you, I’m going to ask you, directly. I will not assume you know. I will not assume you’re reading my clippings
and making a scrapbook for me. I will
ask you, probably just like I did when my sister was coming to visit. So, you’ll know when I’m asking, and you’ll
enjoy the warmup act. OK?
KEN
OK.
JAKE
And,
as unhelpful as it might be right at this moment, can I just take a sec and
bask in the glow of a conversation where *you’re* the one who’s feeling
insecure about stuff for a change?
KEN
Yes.
JAKE
‘Cause
this isn’t who you are, but it’s also not what I want to turn you into, so how
do I help?
KEN
This
is helping.
JAKE
You’re
going to be a great TV boyfriend. You
know why?
KEN
Why?
JAKE
Because
you make me look good, and I make you look good.
KEN
So
the camera cuts to me and -- ?
JAKE
And
you are looking, not nervously directly into the camera, because you’re never
gonna know which camera it is anyway.
You’re gonna be looking up at the top of the hill, where I am.
KEN
Terrified.
JAKE
Only
on the inside. You know why?
KEN
Why?
JAKE
Because
you know how hard I’ve worked for this.
You
know how ready I am for this run.
And
you know how much I want to get to the bottom of the hill and find you there
waiting for me.
KEN
Rather
than the paramedics.
JAKE
Rather
than the paramedics.
KEN
So
I’m smiling.
JAKE
Because
you know I’m smiling.
KEN
And
I’m so proud of you.
JAKE
And
that is why you’re gonna be the perfect TV boyfriend.
KEN
Then
the internet searches begin.
JAKE
And
what are they gonna find? They’re going
to see all the stuff you write and they’re gonna understand how lucky I am, and
where I found the courage to finally be myself, fully, for the first time in my
life.
KEN
You
give me too much credit. I’m just the
last step in a journey you’ve been taking your whole life.
JAKE
A
step I couldn’t have taken if I didn’t see you waiting for me at the end of it.
KEN
The
celebrity press it gonna chew us up and spit us out.
JAKE
Defensive
measures. It’s all about defensive
measures.
KEN
There’s
a list, isn’t there?
JAKE
Personal
facebook page, private, friends and family only. Professional facebook page is gonna be more
open season. Twitter, Instagram,
Snapchat –
KEN
Don’t
have Snapchat.
JAKE
Excellent. Don’t start.
Sometimes I feel like I’m a hostage.
KEN
My
Instagram is currently a complete blank.
I just set one up so I could follow yours.
JAKE
Really? Before you met me?
KEN
How
do you think I know what you looked like?
JAKE
Sports
page?
KEN
I’m
kind of addicted to your smile. And your
torso.
JAKE
That’s
kind of adorable.
KEN
I
can’t think of anything embarrassing on my Twitter feed.
JAKE
Even
if there was, trying to scrub it probably wouldn’t do any good. There’s too many sites capturing that stuff
for it to totally disappear. Mostly,
don’t read the press.
KEN
Like
theater people not reading reviews?
JAKE
You
one of them?
KEN
Can’t
resist the temptation.
JAKE
Resist
this. Especially the celebrity rags and
the tabloids. They’ll report that I’m
cheating on you with women, with men, with dogs. They’ll report that you’re cheating on
me. That I or you have AIDS, or any
number of other fun sexually transmitted diseases. Any picture where we look like crap, we’re
suddenly deathly ill or hooked on drugs.
Look fat from any angle, they’ll blow that photo up til you look
completely grotesque.
KEN
Wow. I have so much to look forward to.
JAKE
You
know the red flags. If you want to skip
it, I always sift and find the good stuff.
If there’s good coverage, you won’t be able to keep me from putting it
under your nose. And I’m done with
secrets, I’m done with lies. If the news
is bad, I trust you with that, too.
KEN
I
just don’t want to make your life more difficult. Not now, when you’re finally free.
JAKE
I’m
free because of you. My life is better because
of you. You’re gonna be a great TV
boyfriend.
KEN
Teach
me how to make coffee?
JAKE
Gladly. But while it’s brewing, I’m taking you back
to bed.
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