THE TWENTY-SECOND
CHALLENGE
Fall/Falling/Fell
From Founding Member
Kaitlyn Chaucer-
Most of my life I
thought the phrase "falling in love" was ridiculous. Who wants to
combine something great with falling which sucks? But I went skydiving a couple
years ago and that's about the biggest fall you can do, right? And that's when
it started to almost make sense.
You see, before you
fall, you're anxious about it. You either really desire to fall like with sky
diving and your so nervous about it happening that you can't think of anything
else (I may have cried in the plane, but whatever) or you never think about it
and you're still gonna fall sometimes even if it's just a little trip or
stumble.
At first, it's
exhilarating. You feel butterflies in your stomach and all kinds of chemical
responses. The longer the fall, the less chemicals you feel and the more
normalized it is. With sky diving, once the new-ness left and I stopped
screaming long enough to open my eyes, it was one of the most beautiful
experiences. There was a gentle fullness and pride that I had finally done it.
The view was amazing and I saw the world thru the same Rose colored glasses I
have about my long term relationships.
And then there's the
fell. The end. The over. When you see it coming, you can prepare and land
gracefully and avoid pain. When it comes as a surprise, it can cause damage. It
can hurt for a while and you have to heal. There are people too afraid of the
fell to let themselves fall, but in doing so, they miss falling. Somewhere
between fall and fell is my happy place. When the anxiety is over and there's
just acceptance exactly as you are. I know one day, the fell will come. After
all, we can't fall forever. But I'm glad I have someone willing to flap their
wings with me to try to make the falling last the rest of our lives.
Former Artistic
Director- Em Hampton
It can be physical,
mental, emotional. - can contain one, two, or all three of those words
i wrote a piece where
i sang “if i fell in love with you would you promise to be true, so help meeee”
(Beatles) about an abusive relationship. and then i re-sang “help meee” a bunch
of times while people were holding me like one of those pig roasts
until someone puts an
apple in my mouth from the audience to help me*
*********************
(well, this one took a
conversational turn I wasn’t expecting – not exactly the fall, falling, fell challenge,
but on the weird nature of love – continuing the Spellbound play, looking more
and more like I might reach the end of the new act two before the end of the
challenge – we shall see…)
The lights shift, slowly.
MICAH fades into the dark as
JEFFREY and DUNCAN appear at the metaphysical supply store.
JEFFREY has just received a message on his phone.
JEFFREY
Micah says it
worked. He’s coming to meet me here.
The lights shift, slowly.
The light in the metaphysical supply store dims but does not go
out entirely as
AUGGIE and SARAH reappear, now back at home.
He’s told her everything.
SARAH
And that’s everything?
AUGGIE nods.
SARAH (cont’d)
You’ve done nothing you
need to be sorry for, Auggie.
AUGGIE
Not even - ?
He can’t finish the sentence.
SARAH
That wasn’t your finest
moment, no. But Micah stopped you.
AUGGIE
I didn’t want him to
stop me.
SARAH
But he did. And a part of you was listening or you’d have
gone ahead anyway.
AUGGIE
So you’re saying if I tried
the same thing with you –
SARAH
That’s different.
AUGGIE
How is that different?
SARAH
You’re not married to
Micah. You’re not in a relationship with
Micah.
AUGGIE is about to protest that assessment.
SARAH (cont’d)
A sexual relationship
with Micah. Based on trust, and mutual
agreement.
AUGGIE
People rape strangers
all the time.
SARAH
I’m saying actions like
that in the context of our relationship would be a different kind of violation.
AUGGIE
So you’re saying I *can*
rape my wife, but I *can’t* rape my friend.
SARAH
Stop using that word.
AUGGIE
That’s what it is.
SARAH
No. It isn’t.
Because you didn’t.
AUGGIE
Assault, then. Sexual assault. That happened. He said no, I kept pushing it.
SARAH
Auggie, if you’re
determined to beat yourself up about this there isn’t anything I can say or do
to stop you. But I’m telling you, even
Micah was telling you, you don’t have to.
AUGGIE
There’s no excuse –
SARAH
No, there isn’t.
AUGGIE
Even being under the influence
of –
SARAH
You’re right. I’m agreeing with you. Nothing makes it right or OK. There is no excuse.
But there is forgiveness.
And Micah and I are both
offering you that.
You should find a way to
forgive yourself, too.
AUGGIE
What if I don’t think I
deserve it?
SARAH
We’re forgiving Micah,
aren’t we? He was the one who gave you
the love potion in the first place. He
was the one that set all this in motion.
AUGGIE
But he didn’t know that’s
what he was doing.
SARAH
He still did it. And it was stupid.
But he didn’t take
advantage of the situation, did he?
AUGGIE
No.
SARAH
He could have let you do
what you wanted.
He could have had sex
with you.
That would have been him
taking advantage of you.
But he didn’t.
AUGGIE
So we forgive him.
SARAH
And even though you
tried to force yourself on him –
AUGGIE
Oh god.
SARAH
But you didn’t follow
through. You stopped.
You both did bad things
but you stopped.
Doesn’t mean you didn’t
do them. But it also doesn’t mean you’re
unforgivable.
AUGGIE
I’m not sure I can look
at Micah the same way after this.
SARAH
Auggie, he’s –
AUGGIE
I’m not talking about
the assault now. I’m talking about the
reason I even wanted to – you know –
There he was. Right next to me. A guy I’ve known most of my life. And he was playing guitar while I sang this
song I wrote for him, about him, and how I felt and –
We’ve always been close. We’ve always had a bond. But –
I don’t know. Those last barriers were down.
Whatever had kept me
from looking at him like that before, seeing him like that before, it was gone.
SARAH
There’s nothing wrong
with having feelings like that.
AUGGIE
Yes, but I didn’t have
any boundaries anymore, either
Suddenly, he was just a
person I wanted. That I had to
have. I wanted to express myself,
physically, with him, give myself to him, take him as mine.
And I didn’t see any
reason not to.
SARAH
That’s where it went off
the rails, yeah.
AUGGIE
But I’m saying I don’t
think I can un-see him like that. Not
anymore.
SARAH
Well, the two of you
should probably talk about that.
AUGGIE
Yeah.
SARAH
You’ve seen women you
found attractive since you met me, even since we’ve been married, be honest.
AUGGIE
Well –
SARAH
I see good looking men
all the time. I’m married, I’m not blind.
AUGGIE lets out a small, involuntary laugh.
SARAH (cont’d)
Finally, a smile.
I’m sorry this is so weird
for you, honey.
AUGGIE
It makes me want to ask
you not to teach our kid about witchcraft.
Pause.
SARAH
I get that.
But you know I don’t do
spells, that’s not my thing.
And ignorance, of
anything, isn’t going to keep this kid out of trouble.
AUGGIE
I said it makes me want
to, not that I would.
SARAH
Keep talking to me about
this, OK?
AUGGIE
Maybe you can make it
less scary for me.
SARAH
I’ll try.
AUGGIE
Whatever decisions we
make, we make as a team.
SARAH
You should talk to Micah.
AUGGIE
About - ?
SARAH
Seeing men as attractive. That’s something he could make less scary for
you.
AUGGIE
It’s not men, it’s Micah.
SARAH
All the same. I’m sure he’s looked at you that way, sometimes. In fact, I’m pretty sure I’ve seen it.
AUGGIE
Yeah?
SARAH
Yeah. It’s weird.
It happens, he catches himself, and then it makes it less likely for him
to touch you. He’s overcompensating.
AUGGIE
We touch each other all
the time.
SARAH
You’re a very tactile pair,
yes. But he lets you initiate it, almost
100 percent of the time.
AUGGIE
Really?
SARAH
Really.
You’ll just have to
negotiate a new way forward. Because if
you both start spending all your time avoiding touching the other guy and you
don’t talk about it, it’s gonna get weird.
AUGGIE
After what I did –
SARAH
After what he did, too.
You both crashed through
some boundaries without meaning to. You’ll
just need to be more deliberate in the future.
You’ll probably get to know each other better, because you’ll actually
be talking about things instead of being “guys” about it.
AUGGIE
We’re not that bad, are
we?
SARAH
You’re better than most,
but not as good as you could be. But I
could say that about a lot of people, me included.
AUGGIE
Thanks, Sarah.
SARAH
It’s what we do,
Auggie. I talk you down, you talk me
down. We stay off the ledges. Together.
AUGGIE
And Micah’s alone.
SARAH
He’s not alone. He’s got you.
He’s got us. We’ll get through
this.
AUGGIE
I know I ask this a lot,
even before this, but, are you and the baby OK?
SARAH
Auggie, we didn’t even
have to do without you for a full day.
You’ve been out on tours a lot longer than that. We’re fine.
We’re just happy you’re back. OK?
AUGGIE
OK.
Is it kicking yet?
AUGGIE places a hand on SARAH’s stomach.
SARAH
It’s still too early for
that. But he or she is in there, and
healthy. I promise.
SARAH touches AUGGIE’s face, smiles encouragingly.
SARAH (cont’d)
Welcome home.
(to be continued)
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