THE TWENTY-THIRD
CHALLENGE
Facebook Fight
SO A FRIEND OF MINE
WROTE about the above link
Hey, Bill Maher, you
classless twit, maybe if more people in this country read comics, they would
have recognized the poorly written one-dimensional would-be cartoon super
villain currently in the White House for the bad rip-off of Lex Luthor that he
is.
To which I wrote:
Huh! I totally agree
with him though. "The problem is, we’re using our smarts on stupid stuff.
I don’t think it’s a huge stretch to suggest that Donald Trump could only get
elected in a country that thinks comic books are important." What's
classless about what he wrote? Don't we have a problem in this country
distinguishing between actual smart people and people who act like smart
people?
And then
Maher's complaint is
that "adults decided they didn’t have to give up kid stuff. And so they
pretended comic books were actually sophisticated literature." It's about
maturity, not intelligence. I, too, am confused by my fellow adults who keep
gobbling up the same formulaic, shallow stories about magic authority figures
removing our agency and saving us from our own problems. It's daddy-worship.
It's kids stuff. AND it can be a fun night out. To hold Stan Lee up alongside
the much more complex (and less blindly problematic) stories of great artists
seems strange. Stan Lee is Jr High Doctor Seuss. That's not nothing, but it's
nowhere near the top. I'm told that even inside the format of the graphic
novel, he's nowhere near the top.
It’s dumb. The whole
thing is dumb re: my involvement in any way wasting my time on this.
So the challenge is
to stage a Facebook fight.
It can be about
anything, but this Stan Lee subject has legs.
Structure: FANTASY
COMEDY SANDWICH - where seriousness is the bread and comedy breaks out in the
middle.
Put it inside some
other event like a first date, funeral, or wedding. The fight is happening in
the ether all around Greek Chorus style.
Rules:
Someone has to
reference Hitler
Someone has to call
someone racist
Someone has to post a
ton of links to bad sources and someone has to call them out
Someone has to become
a GIF troll
NO FOURTH WALL
No computer should
ever be on stage.
***********************
(I’d say I hate the
internet, but I’m blogging, and participating in an online writing challenge,
so that seems silly. I guess I hate
internet fights, but that’s probably why I should try this one, too. Later.
Right now I’m within striking
distance of the end of the play, so I’m gonna push on. Next scene for Spellbound.
Lights shift, slowly.
AUGGIE and SARAH fade into the dark as
The metaphysical supply store appears.
MICAH arrives to join a waiting JEFFREY and DUNCAN.
MICAH
(to DUNCAN)
I’m sorry. It looks, from the hours posted on the door,
like you’re supposed to be closed already.
DUNCAN
It’s no bother. You guys, collectively, are sort of both my
first and last customers of the day. I
appreciate the symmetry. Plus I was
curious how it all turned out.
JEFFREY
We were starting to get
a little worried about you.
MICAH
Oh, so now you’re worried?
JEFFREY
Hey.
MICAH
I just needed to take a
minute, OK? Walk around, clear my head.
DUNCAN
You walked here?
MICAH
I actually don’t live
all that far away.
JEFFREY
Which is why I was worried.
MICAH
I don’t know why I never
noticed this store was here before. Or
what it was for. Weird, the things that
are a part of your neighborhood but not a part of your life.
JEFFREY
What you texted
before. The potion. It worked?
MICAH
First time’s the charm. You’re two for two.
JEFFREY
Well, I had help this
time around. That greatly improved our
odds.
MICAH
(to DUNCAN)
Thanks.
DUNCAN
Sarah did most of the
heavy lifting on this one. We were just
along for the ride. Plus, this was the
store that sold your friend the ingredients for the love potion in the first
place. I felt more than a little
responsible.
MICAH
But you and this store
also got us the ingredients to undo the mess so, thanks.
DUNCAN
You’re welcome. I’m sorry there was something to be undone in
the first place.
MICAH
Same here.
DUNCAN offers his hand.
DUNCAN
I’m Duncan.
MICAH takes Duncan’s hand.
MICAH
Micah.
DUNCAN
Heard a lot about you
today.
MICAH
Trusting and gullible. Not my best qualities. And not the best first impression.
DUNCAN
I don’t know that there’s
anything wrong with being trusting.
MICAH
Yeah, but trusting the
wrong people? That just shows a lack of
perceptiveness, or common sense.
JEFFREY
You wanna have this
discussion directly rather than through a third party?
MICAH
Honestly? No. I
don’t want to talk to you at all. Except
this, this I should say to your face – he tried to rape me this afternoon, that’s
how strongly your little chemistry experiment had him feeling about me.
JEFFREY
(before he has a chance to stop himself)
Well, you can’t rape the
willing.
MICAH hauls off and decks JEFFREY.
JEFFREY crumples to the floor, genuinely shocked.
DUNCAN quickly gets between them.
He may have to hold MICAH back.
DUNCAN
Whoa. Hang on.
Everybody just take a second. Cool
down.
MICAH
You still just don’t get
it, do you?!
JEFFREY
What the hell, Micah?
There’s a tense standoff for a moment.
DUNCAN
(to JEFFREY)
Maybe you should go.
JEFFREY
Yeah, maybe I should.
JEFFREY heads to the exit with his grandmother’s grimoire under
his arm.
MICAH
You should do the world
a favor and burn that damn book. Or at
least lock it up somewhere safe until you figure out what the hell you’re
doing.
JEFFREY turns at the door to look back at DUNCAN and MICAH.
Seeing the way MICAH looks at him, JEFFREY looks for the first
time like he understands there was a cost to what he’s done, and it genuinely
bothers him.
JEFFREY
I know it doesn’t mean
much, and you probably don’t believe me right now, but I’m sorry.
JEFFREY quickly goes.
MICAH breaks away from DUNCAN but not to go for the door.
DUNCAN lets him pace.
MICAH
I’m sorry, too. I shouldn’t have done that here. I just – don’t know what to do.
DUNCAN
It’s hard not being in
control.
MICAH
I wasn’t under the
influence of that spell.
DUNCAN
No, but you had to deal
directly with the consequences of it, and it sounds like it was more than a
little scary.
MICAH
In some ways, I had my
best friend in a whole new way, but I was losing him at the same time, and I
don’t know if we can –
He can’t finish.
DUNCAN
If the friendship is as
strong as everyone has been saying it is, you guys can find a way to survive
this. It’s just going to take some time.
MICAH
Yeah. Sorry again.
DUNCAN
Don’t be. I’m sorry this is your first impression of
Wiccans and pagans. They can actually be
really great. The practices can bring a
real sense of peace and harmony, like any good belief system, when it’s working
properly.
MICAH
I’m sure. Sarah’s always seemed really great. I mean, I didn’t know she was a witch until yesterday,
but Auggie loves her and she loves him so – and you seem nice.
DUNCAN
Thanks. Again, we all could have met under better circumstances.
MICAH
Yeah.
DUNCAN
Is there anything I can
do for you?
MICAH
You have a potion to
make people forget?
DUNCAN
Nope.
MICAH
(smiles weakly)
Well, gee, what good are
witches, then?
DUNCAN
Wouldn’t help anyway.
MICAH
Why not?
DUNCAN
If I just gave it to
you, other people would still know.
MICAH
Suppose we can’t dose
everyone in the inner circle, can we?
DUNCAN
Nope.
Sarah and I would
probably see you coming.
And Jeffrey.
MICAH
Even Auggie should have
the good sense not to trust me anymore, you’re right.
DUNCAN
I didn’t mean it like that.
MICAH
Yeah, I know.
I’d still take it.
DUNCAN
Really? You’d still see something in your friends’
eyes. They might tell you why, someday. Then you’d still end up knowing.
MICAH
Yeah, but maybe I could
stop feeling this way. At least for a
little while.
DUNCAN
It won’t go away. But it can get better.
MICAH
I’d honestly just like
to skip to “better” right now.
DUNCAN
Yeah, I get that.
MICAH
I’m sorry. I should let you lock up and turn off the
lights. You’re closed. You’ve been closed.
DUNCAN
You should let me walk
you home.
MICAH
I think I’ve been enough
hassle for you for one day.
DUNCAN
That’s why I didn’t
phrase it as a question.
MICAH
Oh. OK.
(to be continued)
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