THE SEVENTH CHALLENGE
Dystopian Love Story
When I was an
assistant at a television literary desk in LA, I heard it said that audiences
will give you one thing, and the rest has to be justified and comfortable.
That thing today is a sort of dystopian
future where X has happened.
EVERYTHING ELSE MUST
BE FORMULAIC ROMANCE OR ROMANTIC COMEDY
I SWEAR IF ANYBODY
WRITES SOMETHING OTHER THAN A ROMANCE I’M GONNA probably just like give you a
hug and ask why you feel the need to defy everything I say and do. Don’t you
know I only want the best for you? Don’t you know I’m looking out for you? I’m
protecting you from YOURSELF, Donny, and if you can’t see that maybe… no I
don’t want to say it. Maybe… oh this is going to hurt. Maybe you don’t… love
me?
Cough
You’re supposed to
say something…
Cough.
When you finally do,
you say, “but Aaron, Romantic Comedy is a HACK genre.”
“Good!," I say,
while dropping this shtick.
I DARE you to write
HACK.
Or more specifically,
I dare YOU to write it because what any genre needs is someone with your
freaking brilliance and life experience to give something GENUINE to it for a
change. How’s the world supposed to get any better if all the talented
people huddle together in a corner and comment on each other’s napkin
scribbles? Get out there!
It’s a present. I’m
giving you a present. Tear the wrapping paper up, but stay inside the box.
So………..
What dystopian thing
has happened?
Examples:
Your
daughter just accepted a marriage proposal from an Artificial Intelligence
being that exists in the Cloud and was made by Apple. You’re a PC family.
You
and your friends have just retired from Walmart in a glorious mass walk-out
have just turned 70, but due to a medical breakthrough your life expectancy
just jumped forward another sixty years. You’ll live to be at least 150 and
your kids will likely live to be 200.
You
are ranked by the government based on your social media activity, exercise
routine (or lack of), and economic well-being. You posted something that was
viewed as insensitive to some community and now--- you’ve los the right to vote
or—- enter your home- until you fix it. Fix it.
We
are under martial law. The internet is censored. Power is rationed. Cell phone
service is shut off. You do, however, know Morse Code.
(dystopia later, because I
love romantic comedy, but continuing the Cymbeline riff for now)
Meanwhile, in another part of the palace -
ACTOR 2 switches puppets to take on the role of
LUCIUS, the Roman Empire’s ambassador to England.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
Hello,
Cymbeline! Just dropping by from Rome.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Welcome, Ambassador
Lucius!
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
Time
to pay up!
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Excuse
me?
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
Your
annual tribute to the Roman Empire.
In
the form of money.
We've
been doing this every year since we installed you on the throne.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Oh. Right.
Do we still have to keep doing that?
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
Yes. We do.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Is
it really OK for you to be ordering me around like this? After all, I am king here.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
You're
only king here because we allow it.
And
we allow it, in part, because every year you - or rather, the resources of the
country we enable you to rule - enable you to pay us tribute.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Oh.
Well,
I have a new queen.
And
her son to look after.
Expenses.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
As
far as I can see, that son isn't here.
Come to think of it, neither is your daughter. And your two sons have been missing since
their infancy. That should cut down on
expenses.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
I'd
just as soon skip the payment this year, if that's all right with you.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
It's
not.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Oh.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
If
I send this disappointing news back to Rome, they're probably going to send
troops to remove you and install a new king.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
I
have troops, too.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
You'll
need them.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
Sorry
about this.
ACTOR 2 (LUCIUS,
puppet)
No,
you're not.
ACTRESS 3 (CYMBELINE)
You're
right. I'm not.
Elsewhere, in the woods around Milford Haven -
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN) appears, dressed as a young boy,
all set to be some nobleman's page.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
I
will not die of heartbreak.
I
will not die of heartbreak.
I
will not give him - or anyone else - the satisfaction!
I
am going to keep hiking through these godforsaken hinterlands until I find
myself a new life.
Life
as a boy can't be any worse than life as a woman.
Dammit.
I
said that out loud, didn't I?
Well,
that probably means I'm doubly screwed then.
ACTRESS 2 switches out the CORNELIUS puppet for the
GUIDERIUS puppet, and joins ACTOR 1 as ARVIVARGUS, the two brothers appearing out
on another ridiculously manly hunting expedition in the deep forest, armed with
swords.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Speaking
of doubly screwed -
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
No! God!
You always get these segues wrong in the most awkward way humanly
imaginable.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
But,
we're twins. So I thought -
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
Yes,
the double part works. However, the
screwing part -
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Oh!
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
See? Didn't quite think it all the way through to
the end, did you?
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
I'm
very sorry. I didn't mean to imply -
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
That's
quite all right. We men frequently joke
about inappropriate things, am I right?
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
We
men? You're barely more than a boy
yourself.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
A
very pretty boy.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
Why,
thank you. I think.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
Come
now, brother. We don't talk to boys that
way.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
No,
of course not.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
And
clearly this is a young man from court.
A page to some nobleman.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
Quite
so. You guess correctly.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
Who
do you serve?
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
I'm
currently - between masters. My former
master was sent into exile.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Though
we are men who live in the great outdoors, we still have manners, but have
forgotten them. Apologies. My name is Cadwal. And this is my twin brother Polydore.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
I
am called - Fidelis.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
A
man of faithfulness.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
So
my mother wishes me to be. God rest her
soul.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Our
mother is also dead.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
I
am very sorry to hear it.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
She
died when we were very young. We do not
remember her.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
But
our father has raised us well.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
As
best he can. A man alone.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
We
are all men alone.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
Are
you lost in these woods?
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
Being
between masters, I am also between homes.
I wander because I have no place to be, no place to call my own.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Where
do you lay your head at night?
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
Under
whatever tree will provide me shelter.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
coughs.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
I
am afraid you are not built, sir, for life outdoors.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
I
fear you are right.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
You
shall stay with us.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
Yes,
stay with us, Fidelis.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
You
are very kind but I could not impose.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
Just
until you find a new master, and a new home.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
We
find you very pleasant company.
ACTRESS 1 (IMOGEN)
And
I, you.
ACTRESS 2 (GUIDERIUS,
puppet)
It's
almost as if we know you.
ACTOR 1 (ARVIVAGUS)
You
certainly look familiar.
(to be continued)
No comments:
Post a Comment